| (no subject) |
[Aug. 10th, 2030|02:41 pm] |
Journal views as of August 10, 2009:
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 16th, 2009|11:49 pm] |
No, no pictures today.
Just words. Boring ol' words.
Lately,
I seem to fall into these occasional, deep pits of depression.
And lately I haven't taken the best approach
in calming my nerves.
I scare myself sometimes. Because I can remember a time
when I was the happiest person alive.
I know things get tougher as you age. I know.
But maybe my head is pretending these things
are more serious than they actually are.
I am so stressed out. And I'm even on Christmas break now.
I can never find myself in a solid state of happiness.
There's always something.
I displease myself with my own thoughts and feelings and actions.
And other people's, obviously.
I let everything get to me. Everything crawls under my skin
and digs and digs and makes a home.
To the point where I just want to rip my skin off.
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 12th, 2009|04:14 am] |
Big mistake
'cause I'm so caught up now.
There were always ways to escape
if need be
but now I am stuck. And it's such a great feeling.
But it's two-sided.
I shall clone myself tomorrow. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 11th, 2009|01:53 am] |
Here's to my my first semester of college!
Here's to the pointless "quiet" hours and
sleeping with earplugs!
Here's to starving!
Here's to the air conditioner on in December!
Here's to that mysterious banging noise!
Here's to not being able to open a window!
Here's to high winds!
Here's to roommates snoring!
Here's to living on my prison bed!
Here's to not having a ceiling light!
Here's to a bathroom from a horror film!
Here's to doing dishes without a dishwasher!
Here's to washers and dryers that don't take quarters!
Here's to no cell phone service! Ever.
Here's to cooking all "meals" in the microwave!
Here's to a freezer the size of a text book
that doesn't even keep foods frozen!
Here's to ghetto janitors and their singing of the gospel!
Here's to my car being parked in a lot that's a mile away!
Here's to the obnoxious hoes on my floor!
Here's to the stairwell, my escape!
Here's to showering with flip flops!
Here's to pointless "mandatory" floor meetings!
Here's to leaving dirty dishes out for weeks!
Here's to having a horrible selection of television channels!
Here's to fire drills and walking up twenty one flights of stairs!
Most importantly,
here's to my dorm!
I'll miss you...
Just kidding.
But I'm not gonna lie. The sunsets were always so killer.
Fake webs. Halloween.
I used to keep it clean.
More webs.
My half. So small.
It's an addiction.
You should see how much he's grown since this.
Thank God for the piece of crap piano
on the twenty third floor.
My roomie. Things were iffy in the beginning,
but then it all turned right. Feel bad for abandoning
her but I just can't take the dorm life any longer.
K, dorm. It's been real. Real bad. Real good.
Whatever real it's been.
Tomorrow I'm moving into the apartment.
I hope it treats me well. I think that it will.
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 9th, 2009|10:28 pm] |
Suddenly wishing I hadn't rid
of that plaid children's cardigan
from Goodwill.
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 9th, 2009|09:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Fionn Regan | ] |
I feel so inspired right now.
I'm surrounded by art right now.
Art of all forms
and it's making me crazy.
'Cause I don't have a thing near me
but a camera to calm my cravings.
But nothing to photograph.
I can't explain it when I get in these moods.
It's just, I wanna do it all.
Sometimes I just want to live life for myself.
I want to quit school. I want to travel. Take photographs.
Paint. Draw. Play music. Go to shows.
Meet people. Great people.
But let's be realistic.
It's just... when my life comes to an end
I wanna say I did everything I wanted to do.
Things that made me happy. Things that completed me.
I wish I could live life for myself
and not think of anyone else.
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 9th, 2009|06:30 pm] |
I'm alone.
I know I have several great people in my life but
I'm so alone.
I used to love the feeling, and, occasionally I still do but,
now it just really bothers me. It hurts my stomach.
Maybe it's the holidays.
But I see all this potential in people
and I'm just not putting myself out there.
I think a lot of things have ruined me.
Or maybe I've ruined myself.
I just had a terrible dinner that was
supposed to be a fantastic one.
Only one more day with Mr. Cafeteria.
Then I will be home. With Mrs. Kitchen.
I can't wait to play music again
and take pictures
and maybe even draw.
When I'm here I'm not myself.
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 8th, 2009|09:04 pm] |
Dear John,
I'm sorry that stupid man
decided to shootchya.
I'd shoot'im right between the eyes if I could.
Although, he did have nice taste in books.
But you had great taste in music.
You were/are the music God.
So I'm drinking this tea in remembrance of you, sir.
Remember, remember today.
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 7th, 2009|04:48 pm] |
It'd be really cool if guys didn't exist
in this world.
Don't you agree? |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 4th, 2009|12:33 pm] |
Lately, things haven't been as bad at the dorm.
I don't regret liquidating, it's just very unfortunate
that things are just now getting better. At the end.
In the mean time, though, I'm super excited about
moving into the apartment.
Normally I'm not a big fan of Kmart because I think
their products are disgustingly tacky and lame
but there was this quilt set in an ad for Black Friday
that I reeeeeeaaallly wanted. It was on sale for sixteen bucks.
Great deal. Surprisingly fashionable. Comes with two sheets,
a quilt, two pillow shams, and that cute little brown pillow.
It wasn't at our local Kmart and it's been sold out online for weeks.
All they have up is a queen. I need a full!
Why am I telling you this?
I'm just excited about moving in and decorating.
I'm going to make my room as homey as possible.
I want a ferret.
I don't want to talk or think about school.
But I have a paper to write that's due Tuesday
and a math final on Monday and
a Biology final on Tuesday.
Help?
After that I am done.
Then I have to pack up all of my junk
and move into the apartment on Friday. Crazy.
I'm insanely spoiled. And I feel terrible for it. I really do.
I am the most spoiled brat on this earth.
No. I can think of someone twelve times worse than me.
But still. I never thank my parents enough. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 2nd, 2009|09:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | John Lennon | ] |
Lately I've been doin' a lot of this:
You know, lookin' like
a frog. Sitting in bed for hours straight.
The Internet has possessed my heart.
And I'm okay with that.
I'm just wondering if all things pleasurable
are actually bad.
The Internet didn't really spark this thought.
Cookies did.
I won't continue this thought because
I promise I will sound like an idiot.
Cookies. Psh.
And also,
out of all the music out there, it pains me to think
that something beyond incredible is missing from my life.
I may never discover the amazing sound
my ears have been missing.
Good music is hard to come by, it seems.
You have to get lucky.
And once you think you've gotten lucky,
turns out, the band's only got one or two really great songs.
The rest are crap. Sound completely different
than the songs you fell in love with.
You thought you found it. Thought you were on to somethin'.
Not so.
But what I love is when you fall madly in love with a band's music
and then they go all mainstream on you
and change their sound.
Kings Of Leon is a great example.
Oh well.
You win some you lose some.
I lost some. I won some.
Believe it or not,
the air conditioner is still on.
It is snowing in the dorm.
Also, my insomnia is getting worse.
It takes me two hours to get to sleep. I'm not kidding.
I even sleep with earplugs every night.
My thoughts just race. And race. And race.
And I look and feel so tired all the time.
I even take naps. But they're the same way.
I need meds. Yeah.
Also, I hear that if you put your hand
up to your face and it's bigger than your face
then you have cancer.
I also got hit in the face for falling for it. But they didn't mention the cancer.
They just said, "Put your hand in front of your face." And I did.
My fingers are long.
I will be done with my first semester of college
next Tuesday.
Holy Infant. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 30th, 2009|05:09 pm] |
This is mostly a text blog.
But I want it to be more of a photo text blog.
I want to document my life through photographs,
not just words.
So for now on, this is a photo text blog.
And don't ask what a photo text blog is
I just made it up.
But you know what I mean.
So don't let me blog without a picture.
And if I do,
well,
I give you permission to take green tea
out of my diet.
For starters...
Today I completely bombed a math exam.
Like, I for sure failed it.
I don't think I've ever failed a test before.
There's a first time for everything, I suppose.
So after the test I was
SO BUMMED.
But then
I got some S'bucks in my system.
[Excuse this massive gap]
Just kidding. Caffeine doesn't effect me.
At all.
Are you ever listening to a song and have an urge to turn it
to the next one
but then are like, wait, I don't wanna turn it. It's beautiful.
Sometimes I get so anxious to hear more that I forget
how incredible the current song is.
It's strange.
Currently craving this:
Like, now. Right now.
And a nap.
But I have to buckle down
'cause it's my last full week of
semester one,
year one. College.
Wish me luck.
Or, better yet, wish me motivation.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|01:27 am] |
There's never enough time for anything.
And when there is
I never spend it wisely.
But what's so wise about studying? Or laundry?
These things are of little importance to me.
When I wake up in the morning it will be Sunday
and I'll be packing to go back to Lexington.
I have an algebra test on Monday which, frankly,
I have no clue about. Screw logarithmic functions.
A group quiz in Bio on Tuesday.
A Psych test on Wednesday.
The following week is finals week.
I had all of this break to prepare myself.
And what did I do?
I don't know what I did.
I put the tree up, lights, etc.
Didn't have time to finish it all.
And tomorrow I'll do laundry
and pack
and eat
and decorate
and hopefully study,
hopefully not sleep in.
All before two thirty?
( On a better note. )
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 25th, 2009|02:38 pm] |
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"I feel more like a stranger each time I come home." |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 24th, 2009|12:09 pm] |
What is this sound?
It's the sound of silence.
And I'm not talking about Simon and Garfunkel.
No, for once I can hear myself think.
The only sounds I hear are the elevator and
our air conditioner (yes, the AC is still on in November)
that sounds like a broken coffee maker.
And it's ... never mind, I hear sirens now...
so beautiful.
But what's even more beautiful is that
I am going home today for a nice Thanksgiving break.
I don't care if I have a math quiz tomorrow.
I just don't care anymore.
I miss my dog.
Last night I had a dream about her.
And marching band.
Odd.
Today I signed the liquidation form.
So long, piece of crap dorm.
Hello, Red Mile Village.
Hey, eight am class and Lexington traffic.
How you doin', own bedroom and bathroom?
Sup, bath tub? Can I get in you? Cool.
Hi, washer and dryer.
Greetings, full-size fridge, dishwasher, and
garbage disposal.
See you at home, livejournal. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 23rd, 2009|01:32 pm] |
I was going to post but I don't remember
what I was going to post about.
Maybe
the fact that the lesbian barista at Starbucks
never puts enough soy milk in my coffee.
Or the fact that my head has been spinning
since last night. I'm probably going to die.
Or the fact that my math teacher decides
we'll have a quiz the day before Thanksgiving.
The day I was going to skip.
Good thing she drops the lowest quiz grade!
My head hurts.
The air conditioner is still on.
I need silence. Never get it.
I can't think.
And last night I had a nightmare
that there were serial killers loose in the dorm. At night.
With chainsaws.
I can't explain it in detail effectively,
but I'm just going to say
I woke up with my heart beating thirty four times a second.
How am I still alive?
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2009|07:34 pm] |
This weekend
a lot of things were said.
A lot of things I don't need to say.
On the other hand,
another situation is growing far worse
than it ever was in the beginning.
And it will only get worse.
Bad idea in the first place.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2009|02:49 pm] |
I don't like sneakiness.
Could be all in my head, maybe that I
analyze things beyond their extreme.
But some things just seem too coincidental
for them not to be sneaky.
Sometimes I can't stand to call myself human.
I mean, we all make mistakes, sure.
And so do I, obviously.
But humans do the most grotesque, disgusting things.
What they think, say, feel, do.
And by knowing these things, by having a 'grasp'
on the human race,
you also realize that the one you love may do these things,
as well.
No, not may. You just know.
Supposedly some actions and thoughts are 'natural'.
If that is so, then I am beyond unnatural.
But with this in mind about humans,
it almost makes me want to live alone for the rest of my life.
A bit exaggerated, sure, but I get a very similar feeling.
I just... know how men are.
And it kind of really irritates me.
By the way, nothing in particular happened.
These are just my thoughts. Always.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 18th, 2009|06:30 pm] |
I'm hoping things will get better.
I'm sensing that they will. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 17th, 2009|08:45 pm] |
I feel like the worst person
in the history of persons.
Because I don't know what I think
or what to say
or how to act.
I'll stop there. Some things are just too personal
to share with the entire world.
Some things that mean more than anything else
are worth keeping to yourself.
That's where they're safe.
And who knows. Maybe it'll all disappear.
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